Three Sheets to the Wind

ice cold mustard

2009-05-01T13:43:00.004-04:00

I got drunk and wrote this rhyming poem in class the other day for a dear friend of mine. enjoy.

It's only the fourth inning, get down you fucking cunt,
The count is simply one and one, he still has one more bunt/
you people yell with beer in hand, know nothing 'bout the art,
start the wave one more time, i'll stab you with a dart/
all the people 'round the states, wear blue with red c's,
while all the die hard tigers fans, wear hats with ol' english d's/
I remain in my bleacher seat, trying to watch the game,
while drunken men in business suits, scream--mispronouncing names/
I wish you didnt care so much, 'bout your fantasy baseball team,
darren erstad doesnt give a shit, he makes millions in the teens/
now its time for passion, for unoriginal chants,
It's six to five--bottom nine, your team's up to bat/
are you fucking kidding me? you're leaving to beat the rush?
next time educate yourself, my ticket costs fifty bucks.

Those Ettiquete Sexual Feelings (haikus)

2009-04-16T00:08:00.002-04:00

I love elderly nurses
they jerk off
small children on drugs

The summer sky
loves Ghandi
because of the forest

Eric loves
this girl who is
named Alex

Western Grip
gives the thumb
space to roam

Ft Wayne
used to have
many hardcore bands

Saints
Never Surrender
licks elderly boner

Twitter
Tweet Tweet
look at me

He who is without sin may cast the first stone

2009-04-04T02:14:00.002-04:00

We killed a man tonight. Shot up a homeless man with heroin then threw squirrels at his children. shit happens. Whats up dog? I do a badass Charlie impression. Eric laughs. Q-bert is a bitch. Eric Clapton again claps again. Is Will Feral in this episode? Was he once tamed but now wild? i can't fucking type but i kept typing byt. The goddamn HOLD STEADY are playing here tomorrow!!!! I don't like your boyfriend, because he sucks at ping pong. Shut the fuck up phillipe. Shoulder shrug (indifference in difference in mistance in killing the youth) no goddamn face=off. Nicholas Cage is not really a bad guyt. Phillip is so fucking loud. I didn't say fucking, you are a lying old man.
)
I'm not jewish enough to be cool.
-Ghandi

My Life is Like

2009-01-20T23:22:00.002-05:00

So I'm chilling in my room with my virtaul-friends about to go on a quest when my mom gets cranky. "DENNIS!!!! you come down for dinner", she yells! And I need this quest to level up my Mage and get the Ragefire Wand. So I'm like "Mom! I'm 38! I can eat when I frikkin want to!!!", she always makes Chef Boyardee anyway which I can heat up in my room. I've got it set up like a dorm with a small fridge and microwave. (Pretend dorm tho cuz the Art Institutes online don't have dorms). So she keeps harassing me and I had just been reading Civil Disobedience I decide I should REBEL!!

So now I'm out on the streets and I think I should be a hippy. So I'm just a wanna be hippie tho cuz my mom makes me keep my hair to two fingers length, plus the closest ive come to drugs is 5x salvia this one time. So I decide i should head to San Fransisco!! But I fucked it up and ended up in Oakland, that sucked. While i was there i wanted to smoke weed for the commemoration of John Lennon but instead it was laced with PcP. I got addicted as shit then became homeless and died. Don't rebel against your parents and be a hippie.

The BCS is an Insult to Sports

2008-12-31T22:07:00.003-05:00

Seriously. First of all the "lets have computers pick two teams to play in a national championship" format is retarded. More importantly....WHERE ARE THE NORTHERN BOWL GAMES!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!? This is complete BULLSHIT! that the northern states are not represented in the bowls at all!!! The BCS bowls are in Miami FL, Tempe AZ, New Orleans LA, and Pasadena CA. Hmm do I sense a trend here?!? WHERE ARE THE NORTHER GAMES?!? THE SEC IS TOO DAMN SCARED TO COME UP NORTH AND PLAY IN THE COLD!!! Thats right, I said it, the entire SEC conference is a JOKE. They sit down there in their warm weather talking shit. Too damn scared to play in harsh weather. I would like to see Florida or LSU win a National Title when they aren't playing at home or USC win a rose bowl at Soldier Field. Lets bring a BCS bowl game up north!! Then we can see who the real conferences are. Happy Fuckin New Year.

The Learning Circus

2008-12-28T00:33:00.002-05:00

so.. i just got done watching the learning circus...whoops i mean channel... TLC is so funny. I am now positive that their goal is to air programs that their veiwers will find funny enough to keep watching. for example...today their lineup consisted of a man who looks like a tree, a girl who looks like a mermaid, and a family of dwarfs...after watching that all in a row, tell me that they're not making fun of people who aren't "normal" HAHAHAHA. If you want to watch a channel that will help u learn, watch fuckin discovery, or history channel...the learning channel is just there to either make you feel bad for the world or make you laugh at it.......I know which one I prefer.

p.s....guess what i searched on google to find a picture about little people (the people that have made us laugh all these years)...."the learning channel"

Best of 2008 NOMINATIONS!!!

2008-12-18T00:03:00.003-05:00

Ok, 2008 isn't over, so we can't possibly do our "Best of" yet. BUT here is a special just for you! Here is our one and only nomination for "Creeper of the Year" enjoy.

DO THE FRENCH HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO!?!?

2008-12-17T23:25:00.003-05:00

Look it up-Garden Gnome Liberation Front. This is a real group, sure its as a joke but this group really exists to "free" garden gnomes. That is right!!! This is a group of adults who go around and steal peoples garden gnomes as a joke, they even had a "mass suicide". no wonder these people love JErry lewis!! they have worse taste in comedy than the British. FUCK EM!!!! i mean sure we all stole shit outta peoples yards when we were younger but as an adult starting an organization to do this-kill yourself! you have nothing to contribute to society!!! ANYONE INVOLVED IN THIS IS PATHETIC AND WORTHLESS

Recent NFL Trends!

2008-12-17T00:36:00.002-05:00

What group of people in America are better trendsetters than NFL players? These brilliant men who if it wasn't for their natural talent would be Wal-Mart stockboys let us know whats up in the fashion world! Rod "HeHateMe" Smart is not alone! The cool new thing in the NFL is to change your name. Meet Greg White, just another DE in the NFL until now....meet the new STYLEZ WHITE!!! Thats right, his name is fucking Stylez!!!

In the NFL Fashion world, Dallas is trying drastically to distract fans from their epic meltdown with newsboy hats! Both TO and Romo sported these hats formerly associated with the gay community and prohibition. Whats next? Could it be technicolor uniforms? Stay posted to find out, only on Three Sheets.

morning reminiscing and MLS

2008-12-14T08:03:00.007-05:00

last night, me and my friend had the weirdest thing happen. we went outside, you know, to smoke that fag. and all of a sudden, 2 drunk ass girls walk down below my balcony. we yelled at those ma fuckas to come up to my pad.........so they did. the one girl was mad at the other girl, cuz she wasnt drunk enough as girl B. so girl B came and girl A left. Now that I got that out of the way, i can tell you the real story.

Girl B really wanted to carousel our shit. thing is, we dont have a carousel. to those of you who dont know that term (since me and fellow writer just made it up) its when a girl (drunk enough as girl b) gets down on her knees on a merry go round and opens her mouth....you can just guess the fun that comes next. anyway, we did the next best thing....hold hands and ring our shit around dat rosy. To make the situation weirder than it already was, my roommate walked out and we had to explain why our shit was going in and out of girl B like that....fucked up shit.

ok, to come clean, none of this even came close to happening. girl A and B never even came up to my pad. but this is the type of shit that would happen if everything fellow writer and i thought was funny happened. that would have been the ultimate funny.

ps. dwayne de rosario is going to Toronto FC... after I write my story today for gay college...there will be much drinking and rejoicing for his return to canada. we're not canadian, but there's no indiana football team, so i adopted Toronto FC.

FAGs

2008-12-14T02:02:00.003-05:00

ok....so u think this post is going to be about people of homosexual preferece eh?...well its not....it happens to be that i am quite worldly and i consider american cigarettes as fags....i happen to have marlboro reds. they are strong as SOUTH AFRICAN DISEASES (aka aids). but they help with that edge, eh? we are gonna smoke a fag now, even though we beleive in the movement to provide gay peoples with the right to marry....WELP!!!! CYA LATER!!!

PS... <3 you gay people.

FACEBOOK CHAT!

2008-12-14T01:47:00.003-05:00

Facebook Chat is the work of Satan, Lucifer, and whoever the muslims believe is the bad guy. Seriously, Mark Zuckerberg has created a monster. It is like the AIM I only will use when my BAC is over the legal limit. I will tell anybody that I have loved them for years or even girls I dont even know my friends will say I love them. SERIOUSLY this is the worst program ever! Its like having a Gamblers Anonymous meeting at the Kentucky Derby! THIS IS FACEBOOK WE ARE ALL FUCKING DRUNK!!!!

PS. anyone over 30 years of age and on Facebook, can you please all join a cult that believes in mass suicide. you are all losers trying to regain your youth. the 80's are over and so is your life. DIE!

Chinese people wish they lived here

2008-12-13T18:15:00.004-05:00

Awww, hewro prease, chinese peopler... we have rice cafe. I dont know if you have ever had chinese food before, but rice cafe is better than what you had. We ordered szechuan beef, sweet/sour Chix, white rice, and cran rangoon.... it was probably the best decision we've ever made. I now know that it is pointless to travel abroad in bejing or some shit, because i've already had chinese food that's better than china can make. I dont want a sandwich with olives, pickles, tomatoes, fish, salami, roast beef, onions, peppers, rice, and ketchup...you've never had that before???? u know why?...cuz YOUVE NEVER BEEN TO CHINA. Real chinese peopler eat fish straight outa the fuckin water...dey dont even cook dat shit!!!!

Moral of the story is, find that sexy chinese kitchen all up in your town and eat that shit til YOU CUM!!!! cuz we do it better than china does.

Imagine the world

2008-12-13T18:01:00.003-05:00

Imagine the world is thrust into World War III, there is a nuclear holocaust and AIDS has run rampant across the world. Half of the worlds population is dead and the other half are fighting to stay alive. This world has no freedoms, Fidel Castro and his compatriates have taken over the USA and the rest of the world is fighting against us. This world has no freedom of speech and even has no internet or televison. The whole world is controlled by one of two people either Fidel Castro's friends or Osama Bin Laden. Well, this world could be real. The only reason it isn't is because Bill Cosby is alive. I say even if it is morally wrong to clone we need to clone Bill Cosby for the good of the world. Without him we are surely to all die.

PS. CTRL-Alt-Delete is the clit

Epic Saturday

2008-12-13T02:42:00.002-05:00

i would blog about what happened friday...but FRIDAY IS LIKE A FUCKING RINGER! FRIDAY IS A HOMO!

me and my friend went to a party where there was a bunch of keystone light and freshman wearing gel in a flipped hairstyle, trying to get fucked.

we left within 5 minutes and watched the one girl (that was undoubtably about to get fucked by some gel hair flip) throw up while we left. SO FUNNY!

ANYWAY, me and my friend are about to wake up tomorrow and drink early and often...upon drinking, there will probably be multiple posts. enjoy.

Are we just giving up?

2008-12-09T00:25:00.009-05:00

Ok I've heard plenty about America's obesity problem, but do we have to give up this easy? Watching any sporting event, the viewer will surely be bombarded with commercials for Nutrisystem. EVERYONE IN THE COMMERCIAL IS STILL FAT!!!!!! Is this our new compromise? Are we taking baby steps? Ok well lets get a little less-fat, then we can worry about being healthy. I don't like this new give-up attitude. PLEASE all former NFL players and sports commentators get in shape before doing weightloss commercials. Going from 250 to 210 is not worth bragging about on a commercial. PS-what is "real" food?

On another note, does anyone else consider Chris Bosh a multi-sport athlete? I know he uses the alias of Chris Henry when he plays in the NFL, but thats still a feat to play two sports at the same time, with overlapping seasons. Was he originally Chris Henry? Forced by salary losses on multiple suspensions to start playing basketball on the side? Either way, he's the modern day Bo Jackson.

Confederates is a GOOD IDEA

2008-12-07T05:36:00.007-05:00

MIKE SHESHESKI, and the duke blue devils lost to my MICHIGAN WOLVERINES today. it was the second time the wolverines beat the #4 team in the nation...cuz they beat UCLA earlier this year.

First off...why the fuck do we pronounce kryzewski as shasheski?...
Fuck duke and their undeserved sence of accomplishment. Go rape more women and have your rich white fathers get you out of jail time.

ALSO!!! your fucking state (north carolina) is in the south....which means i strongly beleive you should NOT be in the union. anyone south of the mason-dixon needs to consider your loyalty to the union....HOPEFULLY, you rednecks will decide that you need to secede so you can surpass ireland as the poorest most-white country in the world...also, u can take your fucking bullshit traditions like nascar and racism away from the real part of america...THE NORTH.

THERE IS NOTHING...I MEAN NOTHING more that i hate more than a confederate flag....(unless you are actively trying to take your ignorant, redneck, racist, douche bag, retard, southern, dunce, idiot, moron, ass goblin, butt pirate traditions elsewhere, out of the union) in which case, i cheer on your cause. (because i dont want u to be in my country) I almost wish you douche bags would have won the civil war, cause then america wouldnt have to be so embarrased when an american says, "all hunters gather, a n*******'* in the white house)

by the way, a real american said that...he played for the texas longhorn football team (texas is part of the united states that i wish was not part of the united states)... he has since been kicked off of the team....because of the embarrasement he caused them

interesting how all of the racist pricks in america dont get conveniently kicked off of the "america team"

I know we have turned into the intoxicated lewis black of the innernets, like my friend k. williams said, but this is important. I never want to here the word "n*****" again. ever. and to you pieces of shit who sent me an anti-black text message when obama won, you can suck my 8 inch white cock......UH OH! did i say i had an 8 inch cock that isnt black!?!?!?! i guess I, (an american born catholic), CAN THREATEN YOUR LIVELYHOOD TOO, you fucking racists!!!! BETTER COME GET ME FOR HAVING A BETTER PENIS THAN YOU!!!! I might gain popularity and start winning elections for seats in power!...got any jim crow laws for that!?!?! FUCK YOU, SOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nothing gold can stay, ponyboy

2008-12-06T23:41:00.007-05:00

recently i've been noticing a trend away from what i had previously assumed was an american classic tradition that would stay forever. this winter season, people have changed their choice in outerwear apparel dramatically. what exactly am i talking about? well, ill tell you.

ladies and gents, the northface is no longer cool. it's time to embrace the new winter outerwear. please consult the following scientific diagram for clarification in case youre a clueless moron:

i really dont know how to make it any clearer... AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOATS ARE THE NEXT BIG THING sorry if you cant accept that as a fact.

SPOILER ALERT: everyone loves justice

2008-12-06T03:30:00.006-05:00

justice is the shit. i don't care who you are; you love justice. if you're undrgrnd, sellout, entry level, kewl, techno, hip, fabulous, or normal you love justice and you love the shit out of them.

tonight i watched the justice dvd "a cross the universe" and i seriously was not disappointed even 1%. as much as i hate douchbags begging toHJ kewlbandmembers, this (sorta)documentary was great. it had everything i was looking for in a lonely friday night; live footage, silly bus driver, violence/blood, fanatics, and french people [THEY GAVE US THE BARAY FOR F's SAKE].

i recommend that anyone who wants to remain relevant in todays pop world watches it. you wont regret it even if you think they are 'sellout douchebag frenchmen'.

Oh and also i watched the "zeigeist" movie/movement/movie. it was okay. dont obsess over it... please. you'll most likely regret your obsession 24hrs later after you realize that the 'way deep message' is not going to catch on even to your dumbass friends who think that the google-video-mentry "loosechange" CHANGED their life (morons [sry]). seriously, i didnt hate it, but i really cant say that it was as terribleORokay as i expected.

the goals of these types of types of things are way too lofty. youre asking the former audience of "home improvement" to try and change the world... save your breath. (if you think that the previous sentense is presumptuous, re-evaluate yourself). THE POINT IS... it was decent.. but, if you joined a facebook group because of the 'movie', you're an idiot who thinks that you're making a difference. end of story.

i miss the days when treehumpers planted/hump'd trees, protesters protested, activists got off their asses and etc....
my point is, facebook groups/revolutions are only effective for getting peoples numbers after replacing your cellphone. they are not effective for changing peoples lives with no context or reason. call me ignorant and dumb but i just want more reason to believe your dumb fucking group-invites.

with all this being said, im sorry that this turned into some sort of RANTPOST. it wasnt intended to be at all but watch this movie and you'll understand ((trying to pass the idea of money creation off as a conspericy is just a little too progressive for me)). i just cant help how easily influenced everyone is by whatever comes through the innernets

IMAGES: [Justice], [BoulderWeekly]

beer pong and fried chiggens

2008-12-06T02:51:00.003-05:00

i said, "hey, craig, go get a six-pack of something we've never had" he comes out with czech beer. It tasted kind of like aids, but its ok....then we got a 24 pack of bud lights, which tasted like water....but WE DRANKSSSS. with beer pong. it was fun cuz the party is tomorrw, and we just wanted a beer from a country that we've never been to....hence the beer we got was czech

but i wsa thinkin...WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLKE LIKE LIL WAYNE....FUCKING SERIOUSLY....im about 5'8" and 145 and i make him look like a fucking dwarf. WHY WOULD GIRLS SEX HIM!!!!!?:????? HE makes BUSHWICK BILL look like a fucking GQ model. BUSHWICK BILL is the ugly guy from the GETO BOYS if you dont knhow. HE uses a fucking retarded voice modulator like t-pain and kanye and expects people to respect him...problem is....PEOPLE DO!!!!@!!!!!!....WHAT
THE
FUCK
HE has absolutely NOOOOOO Talent. You might as well look at christopher walken for acting help. I'd like to meet his ghostwriter, cuz he has NO TALENT either, and i know he doesnt write his own shit, cuz hes that fucking retarded. I wish I took advantage of an ugly face and tiny stature by pretending i could rhyme....

In a comment before, i said, "if u think adam sandler is funny, u would shit on the nearest chest laughing if u ever saw louis ck"
Now im saying, u would shit on the nearest chest if u ever saw talent like "THE STREETS, OR SLUG, OR MURS"...THOSE, my friends, ARE REAL rappers....lil wayne is a circus fuck.

PS....MMMM I LOVE FRIED CHICKEN!

You have a friend in me

2008-12-06T00:55:00.003-05:00

But sometimes Johnnie is too good of a friend. Today while buying ingredients for Sangria (sooo goood), I saw an elderly couple. Not just any couple but an old man dragging his wife away from a bottle of Johnnie Walker like she was a young girl goin after the new altbarbie doll (comes with headbands and sparks). It was hilarious as he grabbed her around the waist and yanked her away from the bottle as she was sqealin PLEASE PLEase. haha grocery shopping is funny with old people. except they are slow. so hold the door open for people, its nice. PS this is friday so everyone is posting, its a new idea, any opinions?

A Three Sheets First- Album Review- Britney Spears CIRCUS

2008-12-05T23:37:00.004-05:00

So tonight I thought I'd do a three sheets first, An album review. I have now decided I will review whatever CD is #1 on the charts, so tonight begins with this psychobitches return album. She has dumped K-Fed and been led from her house in a stretcher and now its time for her big comeback! So the CD starts of with the song Womanizer which sounds like I heard it on Kanye's newest album. When she says "I got your crazy" I somehow truly believed it! But seriously this song shows no vocal range it is just some auto-tune t-pain/lil wayne/kanye west horrible shit fest! I didn't really pay attention to the rest of the song because I went and grabbed an advil instead. So we go to song #2 called Circus, the name of the album, this song sounds eerily like a lil wayne song or eerily like the last fucking song she just sang! I gave up on the album when she said "I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot!" That really made me think she is a better lil wayne, mainly because she doesnt sound like a frog and she doesn't have teardrop tattoos even tho her and lil wayne have killed the same amount of people! 0! So overall this CD (well the 2 songs I heard) get 0 stars out of 5. My advice to psychobitch is stop trying to be like Lil Wayne even if you have more (Dj) drama in your life than his precious pampered pussy ass.

PS FUCK LIL WAYNE

PPS LIL WAYNE IS A BITCH

PPPS LIL WAYNE ISNT EVEN THE MOST DECENT RAPPER ALIVE

why i'm going to start saying "find me on that innanets"

2008-12-05T19:40:00.005-05:00

this man will literally store anything; be it legal, illegal, biohazardish, jones knows what to do with it. sereiously. why store any of you stuff at home when you could be promoting this cool man and potentially sponsoring more commercials (youtube only???). how much does the youtube cost now-a-days

its like we have some sort of spiritual connection. yeah i got a motorbicicle but im afraid to store it anywhere els---- wait wahts that? you will store it inside a van for me??? for only $10.99 flat fee (is this a forever type deal?).

i think if this was some dude looking to "go viral" he'd be less core than he's being. on the other hand, theres a lot of bullshit clips going on in this video. what do you guys think? is this a bullshit video that i shouldn't think is funny?

EDIT: HOLY SHIT THAT IS MY AREA CODE IS THIS GUY FORREAL I NEED FEEDBACK NOW BROS/HOS

EDIT:
kelaykzzz: let it be known..you are like the most coolest kid i kno, and i tell people that. but you sound like a big idiot on that stupid thing

An Informative Essay on Eyebrows

2008-12-03T23:00:00.002-05:00

So tonight looking into the mirror I thought to myself "WOW, Eyebrows are really fucking weird." I mean why is there hair growing above our eyes? Between the forehead and the nose there really shouldn't be any hair at all. But for some reason us humans have eyebrows and without them well people look pretty fucking weird. So, I go to wikipedia.org (best website ever made hands down) and look up eyebrows and think I will finally find out why eyebrows exist. Wikipedia only talks about is waxing an eyebrow or how an eyebrow protects sweat from entering the eyes. I really want to know how eyebrows came about on our faces and why they are so different from person to person. (I also wonder why only eastern europeans and middle eastern people can grow a mean unibrow) So, after this I have decided Eyebrows = THE FUCKING ENIGMA OF MANKIND!

Fox and mtbr.com

2008-12-03T00:54:00.003-05:00

have you ever been to a forum where people are beginners and ask for questions? they suck. these people have no decision making abilities. they ask the dumbest goddamn things ever, GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS and do some research and pick out your own goddamn bike and other shit.

FOX BLOWS! no, this is not some cliche rant about fox news being biased. this is about that shitty network you get for free if you're old and still don't have cable. they have canceled: Arrested Development, Kitchen Confidential, Family Guy for a few years, Freaks and Geeks, Futurama, and Undeclared. WHAT THE FUCK!?!? I just watched ever episode of kitchen confidential, it is a good show based on Anthony Bourdain's biography, it has alcohol, sex, drugs, and a british guy. what could be better? are you smarter than a 5th grader sure isnt. fox's lineup now is a shitty terminator thing, some reality bullshit and HOUSE. THATS SO SHITTY!!! fuck em, and people who can make decisions on their own. thank you to my hungarian friend for knowing things.

Too Drunk To Post

2008-12-02T11:32:00.003-05:00

Last night I drank a bottle of cheap wine with intentions to post something witty and relevant to the world today. I apologize to anyone reading this that I did not have the mental capacity to do so.

PS-if you want good cheap wine that will leave you incapacitated then try Barefoot Cabernet Sauvignon.

PPS- What am I going to do with myself now that the MLS season has finished?

Not for me...and MLS cup

2008-11-23T03:27:00.002-05:00

good looking sorority girl wanted me tonight because i "checked her tag" and said "just as i thought, made in heavan" because of a bet another girl made to me. I didnt want her back though, cuz she was a sorority girl, so aids could have been some of the sex spoils. lesson to people, aids is not worth a crazy white girl....but if u ever find yourself in nicholas cage's shoes when he was in "lord of war"...FUCKING DO IT! if you've never seen that movie, he sent the 2 hottest girls in the world away because they wanted to threesome him, but he thought they might have aids cuz he was in africa. I would have fucking done it, but yea, tonight, aids was not for me...should have been drunker i guess. I say columbus wins big vrs nyrb....4-0

More Sex

2008-11-23T02:09:00.004-05:00

Ok, the next episode on this show was some 16 year old bro who is too afraid to tell his parents he doesn't want to wait till marriage to have sex. So, obviously he pays to get hollywood psychiatrist Dr. Drew to help him tell his parents. EVERYONE doesn't want to wait til marriage to have sex. NO ONE tells their parents, WE JUST BANG! WHO CARES!!!! Stop spending your time gelling your hair in a gay flip up and using it to find some girls to bang. JESUS CHRIST YOU PUSSY! GET LAID!

SEX, DRUGS, and MLS CUP

2008-11-23T01:53:00.005-05:00

There are so many STDs out there that we should probably all practice safe sex. I wish I did every time its a dangerous world out there. "there should be more than sex in a relationship" - Dr. Drew. I think MTV sex shows have saved my life!!! Columbus Crew wins 3-1 over NYRB today in MLS Cup.

2008-11-19T01:32:00.001-05:00

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townie Bars

2008-11-18T03:06:00.000-05:00

they tare the shit. on egirl is old byt the other looks like jamie presely. hot as fuk adn gets you drunk if you go back and smoke. so i nreality mormons are assholes and christians are pretensious cuz its just coool like that and religion blows in gerneal sir

I didnt have to use my AK, today was a good day

2008-11-16T05:04:00.004-05:00

so, i talked to brazil girl tonight, about a guy named lebanon. i told her, "the night i met lebanon, i met lots of people. i met people like panama, palestine (isreal), mexico, brazil (male), and spain." but none of these people touched me like lebanon. (i often call people by country to make things easier on myself). lebanon (ned) really understood the strife of a football (soccer) fan in america who has nobody to talk to about their passion. especially in indiana. this country doesnt understand the greatest sport in the world, because they're too busy watching rednecks (people who dont belong in the United States Union) drive in circles.

Jimmy Johnson has a 100% chance of winning this year's nascar "championship". He could either, A. win the race. B. not win the race. C. crash. or D. go on vacation and not race at all. That sounds like a pretty exciting championship, Nascar. Way to fucking go you god damn rednecks. Fucking make a confederate states and have you're own dumbass customs that nobody else has to deal with.

back to the matter at hand. im hard pressed to find someone that loves (world) football like i do at a place like indiana. people like Brazil female really refresh me and help me forget that a mass group of people with down syndrome actually advocate the HOBBY of driving in circles. she actually knew of teams not named "Manchester (Douchebags) United" or " Real (FUCK YOU AND THE REST OF SPAIN) Madrid." so I could have a nice conversation with someone that doesnt like man united because they like when christiano (hot sauce) ronaldo fakes nobody out with his pointless streetball dribbling.

Thank you, Brazil female. I know that you dont go to the same university that I do, but I hope that there are more of you that I can run in to that either dont watch cars go in circles or follow the "new england patriots/dallas cowboys/new york yankees" of soccer. If im going to make single-serving friends, I want them to be like you.

YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE!
GO REDS!

the "HAY GURL HAY" post

2008-11-16T04:11:00.002-05:00

whats it like to have a bro-pack? do you have more net worth than Kardinal Official when there's someone else to wipe your butt for you?

Mitchell Davis is Ruingin my life

2008-11-16T04:02:00.003-05:00

thats it and thats all. douchebagginess at its worst.

why are people so upset that we have a barack president when this kid has access to the internet????

Trace Cyrus Is a bag

2008-11-16T02:14:00.004-05:00

I talked to a trace cyrus fan tonight
Biggest mistake of my life

i feel like less of a person/human being

i just miss the day when you could bro it out to sandstorm instead of shakeIT/CUNTrol.

STYX!

2008-11-15T01:48:00.001-05:00

So, tonight I saw Styx live. Styx if you dont know is a horrible Journey cover band. Nickleback is a horrible Styx cover band. Well this band didnt play Mr. Roboto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Their only song people know besides Cartman's versions of "Come Sail Away'' WHAT A SHITTY BAND!!!!!

PRE Review of Plies' Da REAList

2008-11-15T01:31:00.004-05:00

It hasn't released but we already know it will suck. Just another stupid ringtone rapper. He says he is real cuz he is not industry so he can't get awards, white people are scared of him, and he won't be on magazine covers cuz he won't kiss corporate ass. BET gave him Ringtone of the year, he is signed to Atlantic records, and was on the cover of Vibe. These rappers are not worth reviewing. Instead I will review the new Oral-B Pulse. It gets your teeth feeling really clean. However, its expensive and do you really want something vibrating inside your mouth? Hmmm maybe the upcoming Animal Collective album can get a pre-review too.

OK, remember that time

2008-11-15T01:29:00.000-05:00

OK, so one time I had sex with girl on a set of stairs. Tonight made me think of that because I was drunk and I saw Styx. She was skinny like a stick (STYX) and horny (like a horny Styx fan) I'm sorry if I bang your (ex) girlfriend (Kevin).

Adam Sandler

2008-11-14T02:08:00.000-05:00

Is Adam Sandler funny anymore??? Discuss.

MLS Playoffs

2008-11-14T01:52:00.002-05:00

Can someone anyone please give the MLS playoffs any love???? Every sports show will show highlights of the NBA right now which is just in the first few games of an 82 game schedule and they will orgasm over horribly boring NHL highlights. Columbus just beat Chicago in a historic MLS playoff game, but no love anywhere. Soccer is not a niche sport like the fucking Arena Dicksucking Bon Jovi League. Give Soccer the love it deserves.

Free Rider 2

2008-11-14T01:43:00.002-05:00

Have you ever played this game? You ride a track that you make up, but noone actually makes them up cuz it takes too damn long. Except a few people. They takes DAYS to make little tracks for strangers to ride. No, its not being nice cuz then they are obsessed about what their rating is. These people spend days making free video game tracks so people will like them? It makes no sense, there is no sense in making those things and it should just be a damn part of the game. I should be doing something other then playing that game anyway.

CHICKEN FUCKER!

2008-11-14T01:33:00.002-05:00

The next person to say Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner, THEY WILL DIE. Seriously it wasn't funny in that shitty bullshit "true" story movie 21. But ESPN thinks its funny to say everytime something lucky happens? FUCK ESPN!!!!!! Espn over-analyzes every peice of shit play in every sport, and they have a 1 hr daily show to NASCAR. how does one analyze hillbillies driving in circles???? FUCK ESPN