ice cold mustard

I got drunk and wrote this rhyming poem in class the other day for a dear friend of mine. enjoy.

It's only the fourth inning, get down you fucking cunt,
The count is simply one and one, he still has one more bunt/
you people yell with beer in hand, know nothing 'bout the art,
start the wave one more time, i'll stab you with a dart/
all the people 'round the states, wear blue with red c's,
while all the die hard tigers fans, wear hats with ol' english d's/
I remain in my bleacher seat, trying to watch the game,
while drunken men in business suits, scream--mispronouncing names/
I wish you didnt care so much, 'bout your fantasy baseball team,
darren erstad doesnt give a shit, he makes millions in the teens/
now its time for passion, for unoriginal chants,
It's six to five--bottom nine, your team's up to bat/
are you fucking kidding me? you're leaving to beat the rush?
next time educate yourself, my ticket costs fifty bucks.

Those Ettiquete Sexual Feelings (haikus)

I love elderly nurses
they jerk off
small children on drugs

The summer sky
loves Ghandi
because of the forest

Eric loves
this girl who is
named Alex

Western Grip
gives the thumb
space to roam

Ft Wayne
used to have
many hardcore bands

Saints
Never Surrender
licks elderly boner

Twitter
Tweet Tweet
look at me

He who is without sin may cast the first stone

We killed a man tonight. Shot up a homeless man with heroin then threw squirrels at his children. shit happens. Whats up dog? I do a badass Charlie impression. Eric laughs. Q-bert is a bitch. Eric Clapton again claps again. Is Will Feral in this episode? Was he once tamed but now wild? i can't fucking type but i kept typing byt. The goddamn HOLD STEADY are playing here tomorrow!!!! I don't like your boyfriend, because he sucks at ping pong. Shut the fuck up phillipe. Shoulder shrug (indifference in difference in mistance in killing the youth) no goddamn face=off. Nicholas Cage is not really a bad guyt. Phillip is so fucking loud. I didn't say fucking, you are a lying old man.
)
I'm not jewish enough to be cool.
-Ghandi

My Life is Like

So I'm chilling in my room with my virtaul-friends about to go on a quest when my mom gets cranky. "DENNIS!!!! you come down for dinner", she yells! And I need this quest to level up my Mage and get the Ragefire Wand. So I'm like "Mom! I'm 38! I can eat when I frikkin want to!!!", she always makes Chef Boyardee anyway which I can heat up in my room. I've got it set up like a dorm with a small fridge and microwave. (Pretend dorm tho cuz the Art Institutes online don't have dorms). So she keeps harassing me and I had just been reading Civil Disobedience I decide I should REBEL!!

So now I'm out on the streets and I think I should be a hippy. So I'm just a wanna be hippie tho cuz my mom makes me keep my hair to two fingers length, plus the closest ive come to drugs is 5x salvia this one time. So I decide i should head to San Fransisco!! But I fucked it up and ended up in Oakland, that sucked. While i was there i wanted to smoke weed for the commemoration of John Lennon but instead it was laced with PcP. I got addicted as shit then became homeless and died. Don't rebel against your parents and be a hippie.

The BCS is an Insult to Sports

Seriously. First of all the "lets have computers pick two teams to play in a national championship" format is retarded. More importantly....WHERE ARE THE NORTHERN BOWL GAMES!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!? This is complete BULLSHIT! that the northern states are not represented in the bowls at all!!! The BCS bowls are in Miami FL, Tempe AZ, New Orleans LA, and Pasadena CA. Hmm do I sense a trend here?!? WHERE ARE THE NORTHER GAMES?!? THE SEC IS TOO DAMN SCARED TO COME UP NORTH AND PLAY IN THE COLD!!! Thats right, I said it, the entire SEC conference is a JOKE. They sit down there in their warm weather talking shit. Too damn scared to play in harsh weather. I would like to see Florida or LSU win a National Title when they aren't playing at home or USC win a rose bowl at Soldier Field. Lets bring a BCS bowl game up north!! Then we can see who the real conferences are. Happy Fuckin New Year.

The Learning Circus

so.. i just got done watching the learning circus...whoops i mean channel... TLC is so funny. I am now positive that their goal is to air programs that their veiwers will find funny enough to keep watching. for example...today their lineup consisted of a man who looks like a tree, a girl who looks like a mermaid, and a family of dwarfs...after watching that all in a row, tell me that they're not making fun of people who aren't "normal" HAHAHAHA. If you want to watch a channel that will help u learn, watch fuckin discovery, or history channel...the learning channel is just there to either make you feel bad for the world or make you laugh at it.......I know which one I prefer.

p.s....guess what i searched on google to find a picture about little people (the people that have made us laugh all these years)...."the learning channel"

Best of 2008 NOMINATIONS!!!

Ok, 2008 isn't over, so we can't possibly do our "Best of" yet. BUT here is a special just for you! Here is our one and only nomination for "Creeper of the Year" enjoy.